Love & Honesty Marina Abramovic Rest Energy with Ulay 1980

Recently I was at breakfast with a few friends and I brought up the topic of romance and difficulties in ‘wooing’ a female companion. I mentioned how I had no real idea (or desire to know) of how to ‘pick up chicks’ then most likely made a quip regarding eternal solitude. Comments made in response to my cries of frustration? “You have to be a dick to girls and you’re too picky”.

What was being said was that I’m too nice and should lower my standards. That being mean to girls is a sure fire way to get them to like you, and that I shouldn’t look for the girl of my dreams, but to be happy with mediocrity in love. This is probably the worst advice I’ve ever been given regarding romance. Apparently my kindness and knowing what I want in a partner are negative attributes… Really?

There are enough sleazy, pricks out there, hitting on, groping and treating women poorly already, I refuse to join the pool. We’ve all been to the Ivy, Hugo’s or somewhere in Bondi… Aren’t there enough of these guys out there? Is this really how females respond to potential partners? Maybe this is more of a relative issue; as only those kind of girls respond to those kind of guys. Who knows.

I’ve heard females complain that there are no ‘real men’ in this town. Assuming the following; by ‘real men’ they mean well mannered, honest, motivated and hard working males. Males that respect women, respect their peers and are respected in turn. Men that are holding onto the last threads of chivalry and romance. So why then is there this overwhelming acceptance of men who treat their girls terribly? It’s only encouraging the poor behaviour of men further, and perpetuating issues in finding genuine love.

So what is it that women are really after? A bad boy? A real man? A jerk? One who’ll treat them mean in the beginning winning their favour for not playing straight into their hands, only later to turn into prince charming once proved worthy? Games!

This does leads me to another point though. Honesty in the act of falling in love. Say I was to take this advice and treat a young lady poorly, against my better nature, to win her affection. What then? What happens when the guise is lifted down the track and I’m not the person she fell in love with, or I her? Who have I really fallen in love with and who have I given to fall for? I believe it’s an insecurity that’s riddled through our generation, an insecurity of really being yourself, of being vulnerable. The horror of rejection crippling our betterselves into behaving how they would want us to behave, not how we would naturally. We’re taught to not be excited or over enthusiastic in love, feigned apathy being the preferred method of behaviour. Fuck that. If there’s one thing in this world you should lose your shit for, it’s love.

When falling for another, one should be naught but the truest of themselves. Be insecure and vulnerable, be cautious and nervous. Be a dick or a c*nt if you actually are one. Own up the real person you are and have faith in that by being yourself you’ll find the right one. But most of all, jump. Jump & fall, fall spectacularly and give everything over. If you fail, you fail, but you’ll do it with fucking 10′s on your scorecard.



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